Thursday 17 September 2015

I'll show you if I'm a lady or not // SEX RANT

As you may know, in the #NWmeet goody bags we got flavoured lube from LoveHoney (sorry to go on about the meet up, but this is the context behind this blog post...) and this got Sam thinking about whether flavoured lube actually tastes like the flavour it claims to be. For example, the peppermint one which was in my bag tastes strangely like jelly tots. Anyway, Sam decided she would explore this and turn it into a blog post (which is now live HERE) - so we started perusing the internet for different online sex shops in the hope they would send out some samples, and so on and so forth.

On the Superdrug website, 'Condoms and lubes' are in the Mens section; and they're also in the Health section. You could argue that the entire website is aimed at women, and thus the fact that they're in the Health section means they are in a "feminine" part of the site - but health stretches further than gender and affects us all, AS DOES SAFE SEX. But this blog post isn't about Superdrug, per se, it's about something much bigger than that.

I tweeted, at around 11pm, asking Superdrug WHY the condoms and lube were in the men's section of the website - I wasn't expecting them to respond, I was just chatting away in that annoying way that I do on Twitter. The following morning I woke up to a 7am tweet from a man in his 60s who describes himself as 'A liberal who has come to loathe the fascist posturing of the p/c brigade.' - he had quoted my tweet with one simple word: "duh?" 

DUH?! WHAT?! I replied asking if it was only men who use lube and condoms, to which he said it was *deep breath* U N L A D Y L I K E to buy condoms. Unladylike. Unladylike. Not to alarm anyone here, but it's 2015 and you've had nine months to get used to that fact by now. It isn't the 50s any more. Women have as much right as men to enjoy sex - safely.

As one half of a same sex couple, condoms are pretty irrelevant to me at this present time in my life. I've been with boys before, though, and even though I had the contraceptive implant we still used condoms just because. And guess what? I bought them. Shock horror, I know. I went into Boots and I went to the aisle that sells chocolate body paint and I picked up some condoms and nobody got hurt and I had some safe sex. It's as simple as that.

Lube, though, is something that can be enjoyed by straight couples and same-sex couples alike; it adds a new dimension to sex and brings in something different etc etc. Why should it be considered unladylike for women to buy it? Are lesbian couples just not allowed to enjoy sex? Should all the responsibility fall on men to ensure that sex is always safe and fun? It's not fair or feasible to expect men to be the ones to always buy/carry/have condoms - because contrary to what the misandrists will tell you, men don't always have sex on the brain. 

Honestly it's just dumbfounding that in this day and age, women are still expected to shy away from the pleasurable things in life just because we're female - it's embarrassing to think that some men still consider women to be these delicate little things, doing as we're told and living to serve men. As women we need to stand up and take ownership of our sex lives; we need to say fuck you to the men who tell us that buying condoms - literally, condoms, a necessity for many women if you don't want either an STI or a squealing baby nine months down the line - is wrong; we need to say fuck you, it's my body and I'll have sex in safety, and I'll damn well enjoy it.

Have you ever been told by a man - or anyone else, for that matter - that you shouldn't buy condoms or lube or anything else to do with sex?


  1. Couldn't agree more with this! I hate that it's seen as such a taboo subject, like you said it's 2015.. it's a new era for genders! Funnily enough my boyfriend refuses to buy, let alone look at the condoms and lube so I have to ahha The looks of judgement I get though makes it slightly uncomfortable when it really shouldn't be..

    Charlotte x

  2. This makes me so angry, but I'm not surprised. I'm a sexual health worker so I come across these attitudes every day. I've been told by a man that I'll never find a husband if I keep talking about sex so much, as it's not wife material. Unbelievable! x

  3. Loved this post, Katy!
    'Unladylike' is one of my most hated words, whenever it's used. Gender roles are all bullshit - who was that guy to tell you or any other woman that that behaviour is wrong?
    It seems unfortunately that we've still got a long way to go before societal attitudes towards sex move on. Posts and tweets like yours can only help though.

    | | bloglovin' |

  4. I saw this conversation on Twitter and was egging you on from my little corner of the internet. I buy condoms, I don't think my bf ever has - are we wrong? Nope, we're safe and I'm not pregnant, hooray. Patriarchal bullshit.
    I'm off to bed now, to have sex.
    Jokes, I'm going to sleep :P

    Sarah | <3

  5. I've always been asked to buy sexual items haha =]

  6. Wonder if he calls sanitary towels "unmentionables"?
    Big shout out to all the menopausal women out there who may enjoy the benefits of lube too.
    I got some great free samples from the LGBT conference I went to last month.

  7. I HATE the term unladylike and hate the people who say it even... Fab post missy! xx

    Alice Anne // Annie Writes Beauty

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