Thursday, 27 July 2017

Dissertation Dread

I'm not joking when I say I have a meltdown approximately once a week at the moment - and all down to this dissertation. 30,000 words due in at the beginning of October and quite frankly it's going nowhere. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I care.

See, I started doing a masters because I wanted to make a difference to people in the LGBTQIA+ community - particularly trans people (my diss is about transgender representation in post-modern fiction). But seeing as I've borderline failed every piece of work I've done this year which is only a tiny bit of an exaggeration, I'm beginning to think my dissertation isn't going to make much of a difference to anyone. Except to myself, in the way that a broken arm makes a difference: it's fucking annoying and quite painful.


That's how I feel about my dissertation at the minute: it's annoying. I need to get it done, but I'm convinced I'm gonna fail so I put it off, ignore it, stress about it, cry then write a few paragraphs and start ignoring it all over again. I'm trying to write little and often, because I'm hoping that'll work. I know that if I don't write it, I'll definitely fail - so I do have to write it, in the hopes that by some miracle I won't fail. And that it might be good. And it might make a tiny bit of difference to somebody, somewhere.

More than anything, I know if I finish it I'll be proud of myself and my family will be proud of me; I'll have proved to myself that I'm not stupid and I can do a masters degree. So I've got a solid plan, I've sent some emails and read some books, written some stuff and I'm ready to do this. I know I can do it, no matter how scary and hard and stressful it is.

Sorry for the big ramble but if you have any words of support and advice I would really really appreciate them - please!


1 comment:

  1. Talk to your supervisor. She's here for you, wants to help you, and is happy to have a tutorial or two or three (as she's said in several emails to you).
    Emma.

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